Instead of writing the typical points like “Recognize your People”, “Celebrate Success”, etc., I took a slightly different twist.

Read my 5 tips. Then please share what tips you would add–Better Than Heroin: 5 Tips to Ignite Your Engagement!

Unlikeable Birds of Prey

But I don’t practice that same charity when it comes to any buzzard that comes into my life. Buzzards are opportunistic raptors that eat small mammals and carrion. Not known for forming flocks, buzzards are fiercely territorial and quite aggressive when challenged…even to humans. I read a report about a jogger in England who suffered three, six-inch cuts to his head in a buzzard attack.

Buzzards at Work

Human buzzards, equally opportunistic and aggressive, often catch us off guard at work.

You’re going about your day, and someone responds negatively and forcefully to you, unprovoked. Maybe you were like the jogger–in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If you’re like most people, you immediately apologize and backtrack as if you recognize the error of your way. And then later, it may occur to you, “Hey! What did I do? That person jumped down my throat for no good reason!”

Mr. Acquiesce

Let’s define what happened. You did not choose to SACRI-VEST in the situation above; rather, you may have chosen to ACQUIESCE. What that means is that you decided in that moment of discomfort to accept that person’s toxic behavior, albeit reluctantly, without protest or argument.

Why Do We Acquiesce to Buzzards?

We acquiesce for a multitude of reasons. Find the one that best describes you:

• We don’t want to make waves;
• We desire harmony at any cost;
• We have a forgiving nature;
• We don’t know how to respond in the moment; or
• We have a high tolerance for intolerable behavior.

How to Deal with Buzzards

Let me offer two proven strategies when you encounter a bird of prey in the office:

Let It Go.

That’s right, if you can find it in your heart to let it go, do so. A friend of mine was mulled by a neighbor’s dog. Instead of harboring anger and hatred, my friend begged the city to not put the dog down for its behavior. That’s going above and beyond to let it go. When someone around you treats you poorly, even disrespectfully, you don’t have to let those unkind actions suck you in or pull you under.

If you go that route, be very intentional about what you doing and why you are doing it. Review what it means to “sacri-vest.” Consider your acts of kindness a most powerful gift to the other person. If you chose to let it go, don’t allow resentment to build up; otherwise, you’ll be like a pressure cooker mounting up explosive energy until you finally snap.

Call It Out.

Sometimes we enter into unspoken “agreements” with others whereby we allow them to mistreat us (talk down to us, show disrespect, interrupt us, snap at us, etc.). Perhaps the first time it happens, we viewed it as a one-time event, a situation-based episode. So we let it slide.

But over time, we find that we have entered unintentionally into an understanding with that person where that person believes his or her behavior is perfectly acceptable to us, and our role is to simply take it on the chin.

Here’s how you can stand up for yourself without blowing up or being a bully:

1. Ask to talk. Ask the person for a time to meet, perhaps saying, “I’d like to go over a few things that I hope will help us perform better here at work.”

2. Describe the current behavior. You’re not a mind-reader, and even if you were…trust me. You’re not. So don’t tell the other person why he’s acting the way he’s acting; just stick to what you’ve observed. And don’t go back to something that happened in 1987. Stay in the now. Start the conversation by using empathy, like–

You might not be aware of this, but the other day you interrupted me during our staff meeting. Sometimes I do it, too, I know…

3. State what to expect. This isn’t a threat; rather, it’s resetting the clock on the past. You want no surprises about what will happen if the situation continues:

Again, I’m sure you didn’t mean to interrupt, but if it were to happen again, I will ask you to wait until I’m done speaking before I let you jump in…

4. Apologize. That’s right, apologize. Not for saying addressing this issue, though. Apologize for not speaking up sooner. By letting the issue slide the first, second, and third time it happened, you were being charitable. But your silence indirectly rewarded the continued misbehavior.

I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner. I value our relationship too much to let this go on so long before I say something. Next time, promise, I’ll say something right away.

5. Start again. Once you’ve spoken your mind, move on. If you tippy-toe around the office after this conversation like it was a huge deal, you’ll likely find yourself acquiescing again before too long. Instead, say,

Can we start over? Can we move forward from this point in time?

NOTE: While I wrote these steps in monologue form, treat it as a dialogue. This should be a conversation designed to clear the air and reset the relationship so there’s no lingering bad behavior or lingered hard feelings.

Summary

LET IT GO, or CALL IT OUT. Either way, you’re not entirely powerless should an office buzzard start pecking your way.

I said, “GET OUT!”

I’d left my tool shed door open all day while I worked in the yard. By the time I put my tools away at the end of the day, I discovered that a little Carolina Wren had built a nest in the rafters. Momma wren squawked at me from inside the shed, and daddy wren screamed from a tree right outside the door.

I threw up my hands and muttered, “I’m sorry, sorry” while dropping my eyes and backing out of the shed, feeling that same embarrassment I get when I walk into the women’s restroom by mistake.

Accommodating a Bird

To make sure that the wrens weren’t cut off from their nest and any potential eggs, I left the shed door propped open.

I forgot all about the wrens until the following weekend when I went to the shed to pull out the riding mower. When I opened the door, birds squawked and dive-bombed from all directions! I jumped on my tractor to back it out quickly, but then I realized that the noise and fumes would upset the birds. So instead, I put it in neutral and pushed it out, all the while ducking and protecting my eyes from potential beak attacks.

Once I got outside, I saw that my mower was covered in bird droppings. It looked someone used my tractor as a shield in a paint ball combat, and clearly the team using white paint balls fired many shots.

Disgusted, I cleaned up the tractor and myself.

We All Sacri-vest!

When you voluntary give up your temporary happiness for another, like I did for the wrens in my shed, I call that SACRI-VESTING.  It’s a combination of sacrificing and investing that we do for others. When you sacri-vest, you can tolerate quite a bit of discomfort for quite a while as long as it’s your choice, and if you care enough about the relationship and the other person. That freedom of choice is important in sacri-vesting, because when you act voluntarily, you’re less likely to allow resentment to creep in.

How Do You Keep It Going?

How do you keep sacra-vesting when you get tired? Stay fueled by reminding yourself:

Inconvenience is temporary.

Whether it’s a wren, family member, or coworker you sacri-vest to help, the situation isn’t permanent. Think of it like a sprint, not a marathon.

“I’m in charge.”

No one put a gun to your head to convince you to give up of your rights. Your sacri-vest was voluntary. Remind yourself that you can’t be a victim when you’re in charge.

Why you’re sacri-vesting.

Rationales are very powerful, emotional elixirs for helping us deal with annoyances. Say aloud, “I’m doing this because….” Maybe you did it so you could say, “I’m a good person.” What was your purpose, your “greater good” when you first started? Use that to keep you encouraged.

Kindness breeds kindness.

When you sacri-vest, the “birds” in your life benefit. But you do, too. You get a boost in happiness from helping another. That kindness will come back to you one way or another.

Rewards are coming.

The harvest is richest for those who endure to the end. If nothing else, you’re reward comes from “being the change” instead of “preaching about change.”

Summary

The Christian New Testament book of Galatians shares this piece of encouragement that comes in handy when I’m sacri-venting, whether by letting somebody vent to me, or if I’m scraping bird guano off the floor of my shed: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Are Smart Phones Better Leaders Than Some Bosses?

Human evolution can’t keep pace with technological evolution. Humans appeared in the Stone Age 2.5 million years ago, and we still look and act pretty much the same. Contrast that to the telephone that, in less than 15o years, has gone from a fixed, hard-wired device requiring 1.5 billion miles of cable in the US alone to wireless, anywhere/anytime capabilities. Has the time come when technology can provide better leadership than humans?

Communication

Smart Phone: While jogging in Virginia recently, I discovered that the exercise program I use on my smart phone, MapMyRun, talks. When I hit the START button, a lady spoke from inside my phone. At first, I thought I must be hearing things. But then I heard it again. And again. In fact, she kept talking during my entire jog.

Most Bosses: Human bosses tend to provide plenty of communication at the onset of a project or launch. Then they disappear completely, or reemerge only because something has gone terribly wrong.

Tone

Smart Phone: Whether she’s saying, “You have run one mile” or “You have been running for one hour,” her voice rings with a familiar, unbeat tone–a little throaty, yet educated, her General American Dialect crisp and somehow delicate, resonating with a slightly raspy vibrato. Her tone inspires me, and I find myself hanging on to her every word. It’s like…she really knows me, you know?

Most Bosses: Humans get snippy and short at times, resulting in the use a negative, frustrated voice tone, especially when they’re SMoTHered (Sad, Mad, Tired, or Hungry). Being SMoTHered can lead to a boss sending out snippy emails that read, “Let’s pretend that we are all decent, grateful human beings on this team, and, as such, we don’t need to hit REPLY TO ALL to say ‘THANKS!’ when all the other person has done is provide somewhat obvious or even downright meaningless information to begin with….” Ah, sarcasm with a touch of condescension, the combination of which turns someone who’s merely unlikeable into someone completely unbearable. [And yes, the email is a real example]

Encouragement

Smart Phone: The lady in my phone makes me want to crank out my best performance.

Have a good run!

That’s friendly and motivating, isn’t it? It’s like a saying, Have a good day!

Most Bosses: Humans bosses sometimes think, “I don’t need to coddle or encourage you. That’s what the paycheck is for!” Many bosses lay out goals at the beginning of a period, and then don’t provide feedback until the next performance cycle…which can be a whole year! It’s hard to stay motivated for a year with little communication, little performance feedback, and little encouragement.

Attention

Smart Phone: The lady in my phone pays attention to my performance and keeps me focused.

You have run one mile. You’re doing great! Don’t stop now!

You can’t tell me she talks like that to everyone! I mean, she cares enough to watch me…and then she let’s me know she’s watching. The Hawthorne Effect takes over, and I start running harder, because I know she’s paying attention to my every move…but not in a creepy or stalkeresque way.

Most Bosses: The human mind multitasks, which of course means “doing (or thinking about doing) several things at the same time, most of them poorly.” So don’t take it personally when your boss walks by you in the hallway and gives you nothing more than a pinch-lipped smile that never reaches his eyes. Why? He can’t help it. He’s human. His mind is elsewhere. And besides, he didn’t even see you.

Measurement-Based Feedback

Smart Phone: The lady in my phone gives me performance feedback based on measurable, objective data.

You have run 2 miles! Your best time on this run is 27 minutes and 42 seconds per mile! That pace is your third fastest ever!

She doesn’t offer empty, meaningless praise or compliments. She tells me how I’m performing based on measurable performance and based on what I am actually doing.

Most Bosses: Humans bosses often offer subjective feedback like “Looks pretty good” or “I’m sure it’s fine.” Feedback like that is meaningless. I mean, feedback is designed to help one improve performance. How can that feedback help anyone improve anything?

Ask Yourself

1. If you manage people, are you a better leader than the lady in my phone?
2. If you manage people, would your employees prefer you, or would they pick a communicative, warm, encouraging, attentive smart phone capable of providing them with meaningful, performance-based feedback?

Look at that list of 5 traits that “the lady in my phone” does really well. If the smart phone bests you in those 5 areas, make a plan for improvement. Otherwise, when technology can replace you, it will.

Nice ride!

SWEET Ride!

Last week, the Austin Hotel in Hot Springs, Arkansas, hosted a Corvette convention, and as a guest at that hotel, I got a front row seat to some eye catching beauties from the past. A 1986 Corvette pace car pulled up right in front of me, followed by a 1963 Sting Ray coupe. Moments later, a 1967 Sting Ray convertible rumbled by as a Z06 Hardtop Coupe stopped inches from where I stood.

The hotel’s valet, seeing a parking stub in my hand, rushed to my side.

“Can I bring your car around, sir?” he asked.

“Um….” I hesitated.

“I’ll be right back with your vehicle, sir,” the man said as he snatched the ticket from my hand.

Please Don’t Pull My Car Around Right Now!

While I stood waiting, an early 70s model Vette pulled up, dropped off a passenger, and sped off again leaving some smoke and rubber on the pavement as it accelerated onto the road.

“Here you go, sir,” the valet spoke, snapping me back into the moment.

My other car’s a Yugo…

He held open the door of my rental car, a Fiat 500.

When I rented the car at the airport the day before, I asked the man at Enterprise how many clowns he thought would fit inside the tiny car he had just pulled up for me. Sizing me quickly and then glancing at the car, he shook his head and replied, “Just one.”

And now at the hotel as I rushed to get inside the car and pull away without being seen, I imagined that I could feel eyes following me–Corvette owner eyes–and I could almost hear the sounds of laughter as if I were appearing in some sad, ironic sitcom featuring a large man doing stunts in a Big Wheel.

I had what experts will likely call in the near future “Little Fiat Syndrome“, that feeling of inadequacy one gets when driving a Fiat 500.

Then again…

Later, when I pulled up my car in front of the hotel, my worst concerns were verified: people were, indeed, staring at me and my little toy car. But then something interesting happened. People seemed to like my car!

“I’ll bet that gets great gas mileage!” one guy said.

“You could probably do laps inside the lobby with that baby,” another man said.

“Is that car as fun to drive as it looks?” another admirer asked.

“Looks light and peppy,” a Corvette owner said. “I’ll bet that could beat most cars on the street,” he continued with what sounded like actual admiration.

I Don’t Want to Brag…

Nodding and smiling, I replied to each admirer of my car as if they were talking about a baby just hatched from my loins.

“Yes, great MPG. And it’s really quite nimble. Maybe later I’ll drive it up the staircase over there,” I said pointing to the stairs in the lobby.

I had been feeling embarrassed about my rental car, and yet these classic car collectors were in awe of my little wind-up car!

Not Better nor Worse–Just Different

We often fail to recognize our strengths, either because we make false comparisons between ourselves and others, or we try to copy the talents that others possess.

In truth, when we practice our own strengths, it’s likely that others become envious of us.

Avoid upward–and downward–comparisons.

You’ll always find someone better and worse than you in any particular area of life. Avoid comparisons. A Corvette is NOT a Fiat 500; a Fiat 500 is NOT a Corvette. Don’t compare the two. If you must compare, do a side-by-side of your past and present self. Look at how far you’ve come. When establishing new goals, don’t look at anyone else. Use your most recent success as a new baseline for what you hope to accomplish.

Maximize your unique talents.

If you measure the raw horsepower of the two cars, the Vette comes out ahead, no comparison. But if you were to compare the turning radius of the two, the Fiat could literally drive circles around the Corvette. Don’t envy or try to copy the strengths of other people. Focus on your own. Be authentically, uniquely you; be a crisp original, not a faded copy of someone else.

VRRROOOOM, VROOOOOM!

If you want the pole position, apply your strengths.  Then ask yourself:

How can my strengths fuel me today to accomplish new feats and set new levels of personal excellence?